Blockbuster Tries Project: Obfuscate

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So, I have emailed several times basically pleading with Blockbuster to make an effort to keep me as a customer. Here is the latest email from their unhelpful customer “service” staff person, a guy that I really feel sorry for.

I mean, he seems like a nice guy but I’m sure his conversation with his boss went something like this:

Boss: “Look Dave (his real name appears to be AIN. However, that’s the type of boss I think he might have), Blockbuster really likes money. A lot.”

Ain: “Well super computer who cares nothing about humans (again, I’m just guessing here but this might be a plausible explanation), I am already working seventy-five hours a week, and I just can’t work anymore. Is there anything else you can do?”

Boss: “Kneel before the might of Super Computer!”

Ain: “What?”

Boss: “Oh, sorry. I was daydreaming again.”

Ain: “Can computers do that? Daydream, I mean.”

Boss: “Evidently. Ok, I need a new evil plan. Let’s raise the rates again. This time, let’s raise them a lot!”

Ain: “You just tried that, and we lost mostly all our customers. There is just Bill over in accounting, and also some guy named Kevin who keeps emailing us telling us we suck. It’s starting to hurt my feelings.”

Boss: “I notice you didn’t mention your name, Dave.”

Ain: “My name is Ain, remember? And no, I’m a member of Netflicks. With the wages you pay me I can’t afford even our most basic plan.”

Boss: “Well, Dave, did you try Project: Obfuscate?”

Ain: “I am sorry, oh super computer, I tried confusing Kevin by telling him you hadn’t decided how much he would pay, even though you already had. It didn’t work. He just got angry.”

Boss: “Sigh. Have you tried hacking into his bank account and stealing the money directly? This whole raising the rates thing just doesn’t seem to be getting us money as fast as I had computed it would.”

Ain: “I think that might be illegal, sir. So, what do I do about Kevin? Could I send him a coupon for a free rental?”

Boss: “No. That would cost us money. I don’t know. Let’s try to make him feel insecure and guilty. He’ll think it’s his fault we raised his rates. He’ll feel so sorry he’ll want to pay more money.”

So, anyway, I may have exaggerated just a bit in the above imagined conversation. However it makes sense. Who else, but a crazy evil super computer, would come up with a plan designed to irritate and annoy customers? I mean, raising our rates by 29-46% is pretty amazingly evil.

So, back to their latest email:

Hello Kevin,Thanks for contacting BLOCKBUSTER Online Customer Care.Thanks for writing back. I am really sorry about this, Kevin There are many factors that were considered before an online member is guaranteed to retain his/her current subscription plan. One of these, our system considered those members who maintained their account in good standing ever since they signed up. Our system looks for any reported DVD issues and also the time that you have signed up for the online membership. Usually those who signed up after May 15 are migrated to the new plan.I hope that this answered your concern.

Sincerely,
Customer Care Associate
BLOCKBUSTER Online

Now, it’s impossible for me to have not maintained good standing with them. THEY DEBIT MY BANK ACCOUNT EACH MONTH! How can I possibly have not sent them money on time? They take it out when they want it! I never reported an issue except for the one time it took nearly a week to get a disk they said they mailed. So, basically what it boils down to is that because I signed up after May 15th, they are raising my rates.

Tomorrow, I will cancel my membership. If you are smart, and you still have a Blockbuster account, you will cancel yours. Otherwise, first chance they get, they will raise your rates as well.

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