The Geekscribe Guide to Getting Wifely Approval for a BIGGER TV

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Today, we’ll examine how to purchase a bigger TV (prices range between $2,000.00 and $25,000.00 but prices are decreasing).

Has this ever happened to you?

So, you’re sitting there on the couch, cuddled up to your wife watching a movie that you purchased after using our handy “The Geekscribe Guide to Getting Wifely Approval to Buy DVDs” and you’re enjoying the movie. Then you start to wonder… what would my new movie look like on, say, a larger TV? What about a much larger TV? What about a TV so large that they have to break down a wall just to get it into your living room? What about a TV so large that–

Sometime later, you wake up on the floor with a bruise the general size and shape of your delicate and gentle wife’s fist on your forehead. When that happens, you probably have several questions. The first of course, is:

How does my wife know I want a new TV?

Wives know these things. They have a sixth, or maybe even a seventh sense about your inner thoughts and desires. They are practically psychic. That’s why when you and your buddies are just talking about that hot chick on TV last night, your wife will always call you on your cell phone. They just know. So what do you do? After pulling yourself off the floor, and carefully asking your wife what year it is (this is always a good thing to do after being k.o.’d by your wife), you have to start planning. And that leads us to your next question:

How can I make my plans without getting caught?

Excuse yourself and go into the bathroom. That’s a great place to plot, and she won’t suspect anything even if you’re in there for an hour or two. To throw her off completely, make farting noises and groan theatrically. This works every time.

What you want:

At least a 60″ 1080P Widescreen TV. Be careful that you don’t get too big of a TV. No, I have not completely lost my mind. You really should buy a TV that will fit your living room. Otherwise, if it is too big, you won’t be able to enjoy the great picture.

Degree of Difficulty: 8.0 (out of 10). You’ll need a lot of planning, and equal amounts of luck and divine intervention to pull this purchase off. But it can be accomplished.

First some notes:

• Before you broach the subject, I’d plan out what you want and why you need it. Your wife isn’t going to be fooled by techno jargon like “Our television is suffering from Pixelated Bi-radium interlacing,” and pretend phrases like that. You should do your homework.
• First you have to ask yourself what type of TV you want. Also, what size. I’ll write a blog later about the different types of TV’s. Generally, there are conventional TVs which are smaller, Projection, LCD, and Plasma.
• Where are you going to put the thing? No, it cannot go above your bed.
• For the sake of this blog, however, let’s say you’d like to get a rear projection, 60″ 1080P TV.

How to approach your wife about this purchase:

1) Guess What I Bought Method:

Tell your wife that there’s going to be a new addition to your family.

You: “We can call it Sony, after your Uncle.”

Your wife: “But my Uncle’s name is Bob.”

You: “Whatever.”
At this point, alarm bells should be going off in your head, as wifely approval ratings slip to all time lows.*
Wifely Approval Rating: Yikes. Maybe you can sleep in the box the TV came in, after it has been delivered to the recycling plant.

2)The Squeaky Wheel Method:

Your wife finally agrees to get the TV just to stop the constant whining, begging, tears, and mucous. This can be an effective method given enough time and the proper tone of voice.

Wifely Approval Rating: I wouldn’t advise using this method. However, I have been told by several very reliable and very feminine sources that it can be effective. Who knows how long your wife can last under the pressure? Days? Weeks? Forever? My wife is immune to such tricks. At least she tells me that anyway.

Remember this Guide is all about getting a good wifely approval rating, not a bad one.

3) The Hurricane / Volcano / Stiff Breeze / Act of Nature Method:

Advise your wife that you heard on the radio that scientists are predicting a natural disaster during the exact time and at the exact place you have planned on taking a vacation this year. “We’d be putting our family at risk by going there,” you say in a protective and knowing manner. “Why don’t we just stay home this year, where it’s safe?”

This isn’t really lying because scientists are always predicting strange and horrible events that never take place. So, since your family won’t be going anywhere on vacation, and you have all that money saved up…. 60″ DLP 1080P here we come!

Wifely Approval Rating: Your wife will thank you for thinking of the family. And you’ll feel guilty as heck for using this method. Is this really what you want? Wait… don’t answer that.

4) Subliminally Yours Method:

Of course, subliminal messages {best} have been in use {blog} for ages. Why {vote} I remember studying this in my Psychology class. Here is how this one works. You can vocally insert words into everyday sentences that will give your spouse a push {best} in the right direction!

Pretty soon, she’ll tell you she wants a big TV. Wow. Talk about awesome {vote}! I typed a sample below, however you must remember to only use your power for good not for evil.

Now look carefully, because the effect can be pretty subtle:

You: “Honey, Our family really needs a larger TV.”

Your wife: “Hmm. I’m getting a strange feeling that we need a new larger TV!”

You: “I also need marital treats.”

Your wife: “In your dreams, buster.”

See how it works?! Again, you have to be pretty subtle to get away with it. But, if you do it right you’ll reap the rewards {vote}!

Wifely Approval Rating: Your wife will still be a bit suspicious. However, it was her idea, right?

Let’s Just Get One Present for Each Other This Year Method:

The title says it all. Ahh… if only it worked! I’ll have to file this under “Fat Chance.” I’m not going to give this one a wifely approval rating because I’m too afraid to try this one out to measure the response. So, if you happen to try this one, please let me know!

OK, there you have it. Good luck and happy shopping. Next time we’ll talk about how to get cables.

*Even lower than when you “accidentally” set the lawn on fire.

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