The Geekscribe Guide to Getting Wifely Approval to Buy DVD’s

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Part 1: DVD’s

You: “Well, would you look at that. They finally released the HDDVD version of Death Kill 3: Final Death.”
Your wife: “But we already have the Betamax version of that movie, and you never watch it.”
You: “But….. but….”
Your wife: “Hmp.”
You: “Never mind.”

Has the above conversation ever happened in your household?

Have you ever paused in your perusal of the local big box retailer’s Sunday ad to wipe drool off your chin and happened to catch your wife glaring at you suspiciously, arms crossed?

If yes, then this guide is for you!

Getting wifely approval for purchasing electronic items is mandatory for full and lasting marital bliss. It can be tricky however, especially if your wife is not amazed or intrigued by the latest gadgets and hottest movies. I’m sure that nuclear treaties come with less intense or delicate negotiations. In all fairness, there is a lot at stake here. You do things right and you get to buy electronic items, pretty much carte blanche. One wrong move, however and… well, we don’t want to think about that.

Today, we’ll examine how to purchase DVD’s ($15.00 to $22.00 usually).

What you want:

That summer blockbuster that just came out yesterday.

Degree of Difficulty Rating:
You can probably get away with this purchase without too much prior planning and a bit of luck.

How you approach your wife with this purchase:

1) Buy It and Hope for the Best Method:

Are you insane? I can’t recommend this method.

Wifely approval Rating:
You’ll have to return it. If you already opened it, you’ll have to have it surgically removed from your behind.

2) Helpful Husband Method:

Call your wife from the store and ask her if she needs you to pick up anything. Hopefully she’ll ask for a Male Taboo Item* such as tampons or other unmentionable feminine hygiene products. In this case, you can easily buy that DVD with the stated excuse of “I was so embarrassed that I had to get something manly.”

Wifely approval Rating:
She lets you keep the movie, and you’re a hero for picking up the unmentionables. However, there is a risk that someone you know will see you buying them, and you have to figure out a way to pick the items up without actually coming into physical contact with them or seeing the helpful directions and diagrams on the outside of the box. Yikes. What a dilemma. Maybe it’s best to choose another method.

3) Sad Sack Method:

You make the purchase, and then when you get home you remind her that you really wanted to see the movie, but couldn’t because of all the family activities this summer. The risk is that she will happen to recall all those weekends you could have seen it with your buddies but were too busy golfing and drinking and carousing.

Wifely approval Rating:
If she’s really mad you might have to return the video.

4) I Picked Up a Movie for Family Night! Method:

You get huge points for really trying to get something for the family. Hide the movie until after dinner, then quickly pull the plastic wrap off the DVD. Open the video and right before you put it in the DVD player, glance at the case. Loudly proclaim, “Why this movie is rated R! Shucks, our five year old can’t watch this movie!” Your family ends up playing Dora Chutes and Ladders, or Dora Candyland, which isn’t so bad if you get to be Diego or the Backpack, and you get to watch the movie later.

This works pretty well, as long as your wife doesn’t ask how in the world you could have possibly thought a movie entitled “Revenge of the Bloody Cheerleader Lingerie Camp Killers” was appropriate for your daughter to see.

Wifely approval Rating:
You get to keep the video “since it’s already opened.” However, you better play at least two rounds of Dora and put your daughter to bed even if it’s not your turn, just to make up for having such bad judgment in DVD’s.

5) The Surprise! Method:

This is a variant on the Helpful Husband method. In this case pick up a DVD for your wife and by the way, also get that movie you want. This works really well. She’s happy, you’re happy, and maybe just maybe you get marital treats! Hmmmmm. Electronics and marital treats! Wow. That’s the ultimate win/win situation.

Now, a warning: If you use the Surprise! method, don’t just grab something off the rack for her without looking. You could end up with an exercise video which would lead to you sleeping on the couch for the evening/week/forever. Definitely no marital treats. But you still get to watch your video. So it’s not all that bad.

Also, be sure to pick out something you know you can watch without making snide comments about the poor acting or lack of explosions and gunplay.

Wifely Approval Rating:
Unless you get the wrong video. Then it’s going to be a -10. Trust me, you don’t want a -10.

*Male Taboo Items are items that under no circumstances a male should purchase while by himself. These include the aforementioned feminine hygiene products, hemorrhoid cream, maternity underwear, pantyhose, or Cosmopolitan magazine.

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